The first message was relatively innocuous, but the ones that followed became weren’t – he was making the kind of jokes-but-not-really that assume a greater level of familiarity between the two than actually existed.
Two people who had at least a passing relationship online might get away with tweets like “For my birthday, I want @gracespelman to follow me back”; from a complete stranger, that’s just unsettlingly creepy.
Something that I see a lot of people struggle with when and how it’s appropriate to approach and hit on women.
When you’re relatively socially inexperienced, it can feel like tip-toeing through a minefield; if you don’t know what you’re doing, you often run the risk of being creepy by accident.
In the case of Ben Schoen’s attempt at wooing of Grace Spelman, he assumed a far greater level of intimacy than actually existed; the only contact they had was that she friended him on Facebook when she was fourteen.
For nine years, they had contact; they never interacted on Facebook or Twitter until he tweeted at her out of the blue.
In reality, it’s not quite as complicated or difficult to attempt to approach women is automatically creepy.But learning to navigate the subtleties of these rules is part of developing your social calibration. As I’m always saying, being good with women is a skill and some people are going to be more skilled than others.And speaking of which: Whenever we talk about times when it’s appropriate to approach or hit on women, people will inevitably bring up someone they know – either personally or friend-of-a-friend – who broke “the rules” successfully. The fact that Michael Jordan can pull off an astounding dunk doesn’t mean that should give it a shot.If you’re still struggling to get that first date, then you’re better choosing lower-risk, lower-investment approaches like meeting people through your social circle.Just remember: being well-calibrated and socially successful doesn’t mean that you’re guaranteed success; everybody has off days and some people will just no matter what.