It was a strange non-interaction that was met with such coldness that subsequent approach felt discouraged.
I lingered around a minute longer, and then just sorta faded to black as I walked back to where my friend was sitting, admittedly feeling dejected.
Plus, I have no reason to compete; I hope we all make it to The Promised Land one day).
But the fact that this was such a blatant example of black women being pushed aside really did not sit well with me.
I ranted to my friends until they couldn’t take it anymore. He said okay, mewed an apology and insisted we keep seeing each other. The shock came from the fact that I had taken such pains to clearly articulate what it was I needed, had invited him to have an open conversation and then ended up being entirely disregarded. Alongside the wage gap and the emotional labour gap, the antics of softboys, f-ckboys, fading and ghosting constitute a pronounced communication gap. Regardless of whether the circumstances involve just hooking up or the potential for a relationship, men are ignoring what women are asking for.
Later the same week, when the brother of a man I’d slept with months before invited me to a games night attended mainly by people who were strangers to me, I went. People of all genders are guilty of bad behaviour, but women are taught from childhood that they need to monitor and be responsible for other people’s feelings. They don’t care if we get off, and they don’t care if our feelings get hurt.
My girlfriend and I get there and we’re impressed by the scene.
Since the room was getting a bit more filled, I decided to get up to walk to the bar to see who I could see.
She was in the middle of conversation, to which I offered a few quips before my attention once more drifted across the room as I checked out not only the guys but the women.
It looks like the guys (interestingly many of them were white, but men of other races were also in attendance) for the most part had at least found someone to talk to, looks like they were enjoying themselves.
Happy to finally talk to someone else, but disappointed that it was a balding, middle-aged man, I talked for approximately 12 minutes about old TV shows (I don’t remember how we got on that subject) before I got bored again and cut it short (while my prospects were looking more and more dim, I still felt the need to not be bound this person–who I wasn’t even interested in).
I got up and moved around the room, now sardined with people, before I abruptly gave up.