When a woman cheats, it’s usually because her emotional needs are no longer being met—maybe she no longer feels seen or cared for or understood.
When a man cheats, it is most often because he feels like a loser in the relationship.
He feels like he is constantly disappointing his woman and nothing he does is good enough.
He may feel like she no longer desires him sexually, like she doesn’t appreciate him, like she’s disappointed in him, like she isn’t impressed by him.
I thought if I made his life as easy and manageable as possible he would love me even more and would suddenly find the motivation to get his life in order.
I paid for our dates because he couldn’t afford to, I did his laundry (…because he couldn’t afford to), I cleaned his apartment, I fixed his resume, I searched for job listings online and applied to them for him, I kept doing and doing and was baffled as to why he kept sinking deeper into his rut.
It’s not that he doesn’t love his partner, she just can no longer connect to him in the way he wants most and when that sort of pure appreciation comes from another source he can’t help but be drawn to it. During the workday, he is on fire with passion and thrives off of meeting the daily challenges of his job.
After killing it all day, he comes home feeling on top of the world and wants to share that energy with his girl. He feels like she doesn’t accept the most important part of his life, the thing that makes him feel effective and worthwhile.
It’s not because they can’t control themselves and oftentimes is not because they no longer desire you.
Cheating usually is the result of an easy opportunity and him feeling like a loser, either in life or in his relationship.
In order to feel valuable and significant again, he may give in to temptation, it doesn’t matter how much he loves his partner.
He got a real job, he committed to her, he took her on romantic dates, he was happy and alive. The short version of this very long conversation is that while he did love and care for me, being with me made him feel like an even bigger loser.
I felt devastated and I beat myself up over it for months. The more I tried to “fix” him, the more damaged he felt. The more I tried to make his life easier, the more comfortable he became with his own misery.